20 Reflections

I’m proud of myself for investing in therapy, coaching, and listening to new podcasts over the past couple of years. Recently I went through my running iPhone note of learnings and breakthroughs (I just went to print it on my computer to see how long it is – and it would be 49 pages!) and I wanted to share the top 20 reflections I pulled from that note that really resonated with me. By no means am I doing well at implementing and living by all of these in my life, but I’m doing my best and learning more about myself everyday. I love getting these types of posts onto the blog as a way to summarize my thoughts so I can refer back to them when I need to, and I know there’s at least one new good nugget for you too. (:

1. I have really high expectations of others. Having these expectations only hurts myself (I call it breaking my own heart) because I’m the one who gets let down. If I haven’t specifically communicated it, don’t assume it will happen. I’ve learned to manage my thoughts more and go with the flow.
2. If two people are open with each other, we are always teaching each other how to love each other. Check each other on tone. If you have to break something down, do it in a kind way. You have to show you want to make a relationship work.
3. How you show up in your toughest times shows the value of the relationship. If we can show up in bad times, then things are going to be amazing in good times. We all keep growing in our genius. Difficult conversations can really grow you. Honesty is powerful.
4. The concept of past/present/future self. I like to think about why I did something a certain way in the past, what I’ve learned and how I’m handling it now, and what my future self would be proud of/thank me for/want me to do. I like this article on Medium about past/present/future self that dives in further.
5. I have “Claire handling instructions” lol. We all do! Whatever I’m doing, tell me I’m doing a good job at it and ask me questions about it, rather than judging me for how quickly I jump into new things and change my mind. I’m constantly trying to figure out what’s next and I come up with new passions and how I want to spend my time quickly. It may not feel comfortable to you, but it is to me, and that’s okay!
6. People are happiest when they have some sort of challenge and goal. Challenge feels good. Find the balance of what you challenge yourself with. Don’t be stagnant, but don’t make things too overwhelming because it’s so challenging. Check out this post on my blog where I shared more goal setting concepts I’ve learned.
7. I’ve struggled with doing things that don’t seem “worthwhile,” like working out. I feel like some external governing body has to be able to award me something for it to be worth while lol. I like recognition. I’ve had to work on internal rewards. I’ve been really consistent with workouts lately and I’m proud of myself. I can clap for myself and I can make it mean as much as getting an award.
8. I do not like to talk about the past or bring up the past. I’m a “remarkably special creature” (per my therapist lol) at not wanting to look back or over analyze the past. This year I spent months cleaning out my basement of boxes that had come with me through multiple moves and never were opened.. which means it’s time for them to go! It was so good for me. I feel so much lighter. If you haven’t cleaned out your space recently and made some donations boxes, I highly recommend!
9. What I share with others has impact. I have to take responsibility for whatever response I receive because I chose to share information, tell them how I was feeling etc. I’ve learned that some things just don’t have to be shared, and that’s improved my relationships.
10. Relationship hygiene is good. Hard conversations stink (I hate being uncomfortable or making others feel that way) but then we can get ahead of weird, big issues. The hard conversations can actually be as good as the good ones. There’s something bonding about saying what you’re afraid to say and having someone listen and care.
11. I’ve learned to say no more. I’ve turned down opportunities that didn’t feel good or exciting to me, rather than taking them for the fear of missing out. I’ve been able to make space for and attract new things I would have never imagined I’d have. Saying no is a skill and it gets easier when you value yourself and your time more.
12. When you’re happier in general, the opportunities to ruminate are less. My mind doesn’t get stuck as easily on when I said no to something, wondering “what if”. I forgot about what I said no to the next day. It doesn’t feel like a missed opportunity when your mindset is right.
13. Appreciate all the ways I make my world more beautiful. Decorating my house and keeping it clean, keeping my car clean, using fancy cups for coffee. Making your world more beautiful makes a positive difference in your mind, how you see things, and the level of gratitude you have for them. (I wrote this post earlier this year – adding sparkle!)
14. BUY IN. Create “silly” traditions around the holidays. Create joy and happy moments that bring people together. Whatever you’re doing – apple picking, on a nature walk, at a concert, buy in. Have all the fun you can in that moment. Even if it’s not 100% your thing, you’ll be glad you did, because others pick up on your energy too. You won’t get those moments back.
15. The better I take care of myself, the less likely I am to need external attention and validation. I have to get good sleep, eat well, and work on my passions (and buy myself flowers!) to stay in a good and positive headspace.
16. When I receive a text from a friend or family member that doesn’t feel good to me, I’ve learned to understand that I don’t have to take any of that on. It’s something they chose to share. I think to myself, this is not my weight, I am not going to receive the weight. I literally picture myself picking up the text message like a pile of bricks and setting it to the side.
17. You can do big things, like plan life changing moves! Cross country moves, family changes, job changes, you name it. I’ve always been the type where I’d rather go for it, take a risk, and not be happy with the outcome (and have to do more work to change it!) than have never tried and carry regret. Be patient and kind with yourself. When going through a big change, I would cry more, usually when I got into bed at night. The body knows it relaxes once you cry and that crying resets you. I needed to release all of the stress and overwhelm from the day. I know crying is just a part of my energy system I need to regulate. Nothing wrong with that.
18. Life is about change. I like to make decisions and make changes. I’ve learned to look at my decisions as not good or bad, they’re just life changes. Life is meant to be lived. If you want a change, listen to yourself, and make it happen. Trust it will work out. It doesn’t matter if others think it’s a “bad” or “risky” decision.
19. The best way to change someone’s behavior is to lead by example. Telling someone they should take better care of themselves, or complain less isn’t going to help (it hasn’t for me). Be the change you wish to see, and you’ll inspire others to take the action they need to.
20. Dr Nicole LePera recently shared on Twitter/X “Few people feel appreciated in their relationships. Appreciation if the love language of long-term partnership.” This has never felt more true to me than over the past few years. Appreciate and focus on what is working, rather than focus on fears/what isn’t working. This appreciative focus makes me want to give more, creates longevity and a happier perspective. Appreciation is such a powerful habit. Just do the nice little thoughtful things for each other. Again, lead by example. Along this theme, I’ve recently learned about “bids for connection” and how important they are to the longevity of a relationship. You can learn more here!

I’m glad I wrote this down, and look forward to continuing to reflect on all of my learnings! Do you have a favorite theme or concept that’s helped you in life? Send it my way, I’d love to hear it. Have a good week ahead friends, and I’ll see you back here on the blog soon! (: